SHE HAD A BEAUTIFUL BUDDHIST BODY
published in Spilled Coffee

"i'm buddhist!" she screamed,
and then she looked at me and she roled her eyes
i
didn't seem enlightened to her,
because i
was so drunk and pussy hungry.

"i love buddha!"
she screamed.

and the rest of the hamptons
and all those sexy rich women that had
been marinated in yoga
and
soy milk
hovered
like a cluster of fairries
singing rich
sweet
songs to each other.

one of those fairries took a shit
and that shit
landed on my shoulder
and it sat there
looking very
mindful.
(maybe it is a buddhist too,
i thought.)

"i go to yoga three times a week!"
the woman screamed.
"look at you.
you are fat and smell like booze."

i looked down at myself.
my shirt was stained with beer
and my gut looked
like a baby
was in there
lying on a sofa
wearing sweat pants
eating a pint of ice cream
and watching porn
on a wide
flat screen tv

this woman
and the fairy shit on my shoulder
had definitely figured something out.
they both seemed
to be living a life much better
than mine.
still, i didn't want to be like them.
not one inch of me wanted what they had.
as far as i was concerned
being enlightened made you an asshole
and i preferred my fat ass to walk home
as drunk and confused and tired as ever.